Sgt. Moorre – Do The Right Thing

Yesterday, I received a very special, very moving and ultimately life-changing e-mail.

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From: Sgt. John Moorre

Hello

Good day and compliments, i know this letter will definitely come to you
as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it
carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine my
future and continued existence.

Please allow me to introduce myself.I am Sgt John Moore, a US Marine
Sgt.serving in the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment which Patrols the
Anbar province, Iraq.I am desperately in need of assistance and I have
summoned up courage to contact you.

I am presently in Iraq and I found your contact particulars in an address
journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of 25million USD
(Twenty Five Million USD) to the States or any safe country,as far as I
can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my
service here.This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.

SOURCE OF MONEY:

Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels
with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam
Hussein’s old Presidential Palaces during a rescue operation and it was
agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us.This might
appear as an illegal thing to do but I tell you what? No compensation can
make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hell hole. The
above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money
became a problem for me, so with the help of a British contact working
with the UN here(his office enjoys some immunity)I was able to get the
package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot.He does not
know the real contents of the package as he believes that it belongs to an
American who died in an air raid,before giving up trusted me to hand over
the package to his close relative.

I have now found a secured way of getting the package out of Iraq for you
to pick up. I do not know for how long I will remain here as I have been
lucky to have survived 2 suicide bomb attacks by Pure Divine
intervention.I will give you 25% of the total sum.

This and other reasons put into consideration have prompted me to reach
out for help. If it might be of interest to you then Endeavor to contact
me and we would work out the necessary formalities but i pray that you are
discreet about this mutually benefiting relationship.My first demand to
you is to ask you for your strict confidentiality on this transaction and
total trust too, these two things are the most important things needed to
conclude this transaction.

Required Details
Full Name:
Full Address:
Phone Number
Age:
Sex:

Get back to me with the above details so that they can make delivery of
the consignment to your Doorstep.

Respectfully,

Sgt. John Moore,
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ.

john_moorre@xxxxx.xxxx

(host name deleted in case Undesirable People find this blog. So don’t tell ANYONE about this post. But pls retweet. Thx. – Ed.).

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Obviously I had to write back.

(This is called the “Danny Wallace method” of dealing with unsolicited admirers).

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Dear John,

OMG!

I’m overwhelmed. Thank you!

I can tell you’re up to your eyeballs in insurgents at the moment by the way that you spell your surname inconsistently – I mean, if that isn’t the sign of a distracted mind, I don’t know what is.

I know you say that money (wow!) isn’t stolen, but if it came from Saddam, it probably was, somewhere down the line. Our Saddam wasn’t much of an entrepreneur, sadly. I mean, can you imagine him on Dragon’s Den? Well, you see my point. So I don’t mind telling you, I’m worried about where that money’s come from, John.

You guys sure are doing a great job out there, but while I’m Endeavoring (capital E) to justify my share in the money, I just can’t. In a strange, maybe almost pathetic way, I’m quite content at the moment. I mean, we could all do with a bit more cash here and there, but if I got 25% of $25 million, I’d probably just spend it on self-indulgent travel adventures that I could write about (I’m a writer – but you probably know that from checking out if I’m sound and reliable)…and the rest, well, I’d give my mum some and hold a big party for friends, and buy lots of stuff I don’t really need off eBay, and then it would go in the bank and just sit there.

After some real thought (Real Thought), I’ve decided that this should be where the consignment should go:

British Red Cross
UK Office
44 Moorfields
London EC2Y 9AL

They could do much better things with the money than I ever could. (I don’t know what Age and Sex they are, it probably varies a lot, so best to check directly with them).

God bless you, John.

I know I’m not supposed to because I’m a civilian, but I’m saluting you as I type this. (Doing both is surprisingly difficult).

Mike

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Image: The U.S. Army