March 20th 2006
I’m back on the French lessons again, speedily (the 2nd April isn’t far). [Note from modern Mike: I've no idea what was happening on the 2nd April. Sorry]. Both these and the Greek course I was previously doing are from this company. The approach is ‘repetition until you’re a frothing, gibbering moron’ but, to be honest, it’s working better than any (spoken) language-learning method I’ve tried, and I recommend them. And audio-form is ideal: I’ve mp3′ed the CDs and listen to them on my phone (ie. mp3 player) whilst walking to and fro – for example, tomorrow, when I hand in a job application form to the University Personnel office, a 45 min walk away. [Again, I've no idea. What was the job? It was only 3 years ago. But no, my memory is evidently pocked beyond the wildest dreams of swiss cheesemakers].
But one thing strikes me. The creators of these courses seem to have taken for granted a number of things.
1. You are male and American.
2. You are only learning a language so you can go to other countries and sport wildly with the women.
3. I cannot overestimate the importance of (2).
This is the kind of thing you learn in the first few lessons.
Hello, miss.
Yes, I am American.
Would you like something to drink?
Waiter!
Miss, I would like to have a drink with you.
No – at my place.
Would you like to eat something? We can eat something at my place.
This is my place. Would you like something to drink?
My place is there. My place is here.
What would you like to do later? (At my place).
And so on.
Also, I have to wonder what their English lessons are like, if they were being realistic.
Would you like a kebab, at my place?
No, I would like to get off my face on Alcopops / Absolut vodka / Red Bull and motor oil.
This is rain – it is usually here.
I am heavily sunburnt: call the emergency services.
I have to puke. Please stay here.
These are my tattoos. Do not laugh at them.
We may have to queue here for hours.
It is raining on my kebab.
I do not believe in Europe.
I cannot have dinner, I have had an unfair tax bill.
etc.
