I’m tired of reading about difficult, expensive, time-consuming things I “have to do before I die“. And I’m betting you are too.
So why not try my Amazingly Achievable Things To Do list instead?
Let me know how you score.
(Especially if it’s under 50%).
1. Turn round and look at something you’ve just tripped over in the street – then realise you’re spending slightly too much time doing this to look entirely normal, and move onwards.
2. Buy something on impulse.
3. Say “I can’t” when what you really mean is “I don’t want to”.
4. Read a book. Any book will do.
5. Absent-mindedly put something in the fridge that doesn’t belong in the fridge.
6. Laugh at a private joke, just as someone is passing you in the street, making them paranoid until they get home and examine themselves thoroughly.
7. Hope that (6) has just happened to you, rather than something embarassing being on your face or your flies being undone.
8. Frown about how much you have to do in so little time.
9. Squeeze a pimple.
10. Feed a bird or animal.
11. Whittle a new hole in a belt.
12. While online, do something you’re not proud of.
13. Put leftover ingredients together to make something that’s simply inedible, no matter how hungry you are.
14. Run out of toilet paper at some critical moment.
15. See the sun come up.
16. Look at somebody’s bottom.
17. Put more than one pair of spectacles or sunglasses on at the same time.
18. Lick uncooked cake mixture off a wooden spoon.
19. Eat so much of something that you have problems breathing when you sit down, or moving when you’re stood up.
20. Surprise a junk snail-mailer by dragging it out your letterbox on your side before he’s finished pushing it through on his.
21.Play with something until it breaks.
22. Admire yourself in a mirror, possibly with a Fonzie / Joey / Dr. Sam Beckett style “heyyyyyy!” gesture.
23. Catch an egg before it rolls off a tabletop.
24. Part your hair a different way.
25. Order a “half” of something alcoholic, and feel mild social embarrassment amidst your peers.
26. Suffer an ice-cream headache.
27. Trip on a shoelace.
28. Use a leaf as a bookmark.
29. Put more money into a slot-machine than you originally intended to.
30. Check your e-mail, receive nothing, and then check it again – just in case there’s a server error somewhere.
31. Pack a bag or suitcase too full, and unpack it with a suddenly heavy heart.
32. While walking, go slightly out of your way to admire someone that’s hot.
33. Pick up a hammer by the other end, and marvel at how light it feels.
34. Owe something.
35. Fire an elastic band at someone.
36. Speak to a computer screen – for example “What?! Why did you do that???”
37. Walk into plate glass.
38. Wear odd socks (deliberately or by mistake).
39. Enjoy a song for nostalgia’s sake that you’ll willingly admit is crap in every other sense.
40. Rehearse an argument in your head with someone annoying, putting them firmly in their place.
41. Knock on a door with a jaunty rhythm – eg. RAP RAP-A-RAP RAP, RAP *RAP*.
42. Notice a shopkeeper’s given you too much change, but pretend you’re unaware of it.
43. Bite into a tomato and have it fire all over you.
44. Give directions.
45. Sit on the floor when a perfectly good chair is available.
46. Immediately click with someone.
47. Pull the label off an item of clothing and accidentally rip the hem it’s attached to.
48. Play Poohsticks.
49. Forget to water a plant and feel guilty about it.
50. Make a list of things to do.
…
And your score was…?
Much needed laugh out loud has been afforded me by Mikeachim via 50 Amazingly Achievable Things To Do Before You Die. The whole world could sure use this kind of cheer so pass the article on, retweet it, talk about it and when you talk about it mention that seeing the world through the author’s eyes will give everyone a smile or two.
A tickertape parade of a comment. Thank you.
Hehe. This is an old one from one of the previous Fevered Mutterings, isn’t it? Great stuff – I enjoyed it the first time around, and did so just as much again. I think the only two of these that I *haven’t* done are 20 and 23, both because I’m just not quick enough off the mark.
Aye, dug out of the archives – in a way. At the request of Waffle (http://www.belgianwaffle.net/) I decided to let it into the sunshine for another canter round my corner of the Web – but when I went to look, I realised it was written sometime in 2006-mid 2008, the Dark Age of Fevered Mutterings where my archives are patchy at best.
So I wrote it again. Some of it is new. So for anyone looking for evidence that I’m improving with age, this isn’t the post for you. Sorry.
No. 20 is one of the great joys of life. I’ll happily wait for hours to catch them. Hours.
Ha! Awesome.
And your score was…?
Where are all the lists of amazing things to do after you die?
I believe they’re all compiled into one bestselling volume known as The Bible.
erm…. Mike… no24 is part your hair a different way… well I just thought this was an achievable list. No.24 is gonna be very difficult for both of us.
May I suggest no.24 is amended to read ‘Part your (or someone else’s) hair in a different way’?
Not something we can achieve nowadays, yes indeed.
But are you saying that back when you were enfollicated, you never parted your hair a different way? If you did, you can tick it off.
My biggest parting experiment came in the last months of having a full head of hair, when it started to thin in strange mangy patches, and I tried brushing what remained in a forward direction, down towards my eyebrows, perhaps with the eventual aim of knitting it into them.
That’s the hideous Alternate Universe version of me, out there somewhere.
Wow! This reminds me of when I went bald on my upper lip and trained nasal hairs to grow long enough to cover the lost mustache.
Kudos. Very impressive.
As an aside, I see that you work in IT and write in your spare time, but with those credentials, a glittering career in Archaeology is yours for the taking.
(Qualifications required, in order of importance: 1) unruly facial hair 2) liver that can withstand any kind of liquified substance abuse 3) keen brain).
the true brilliance in this list lies in the fact that we probably have ALREADY done most of these. i feel really good today with my excellent achievements – thanks!
My pleasure. It’s my goal in life to have other people do the work I reap the benefits of, so your kind words make me happy.
I may even make this a series.
Everyone: list all the things you’re most proud of doing, send them to me, I’ll put them in a list and then you can thank me for doing so, and maybe even send me money. What’s not to love?
Very funny — I’m a pro at #30!
I suspect we all are….
“What, no e-mail for 12 hours? Is the Internet broken? Is it me? Has everyone suddenly realised what a terrible, awful person I am? IS IT SOMETHING I SAID ON FACEBOOK? Oh goddddddd what did I say on Facebook? Wait – *I’ve lost 5 Followers on Twitter!!!!* Oh no no no no, the Internet is turning against me!”
etc.
I suddenly feel very accomplished.
You rock, sir.
“Turn round and look at something you’ve just tripped over in the street – then realise you’re spending slightly too much time doing this to look entirely normal, and move onwards.”
Do you get a bonus if turning around to look causes you to trip again?
If so, I scored 40. If not, I got 39.
Me too. Although it has to be a fresh leaf. Or else it crumbles and you never get the bits out the spine of the book. Has to be fairly green and fairly bendy.
I’m intrigued about the missing 10.
Come on, ‘fess up.
Love this, Mike! Not surprisingly, I scored fairly well.
Indeed, I am wholly unsurprised.
But…”fairly well”? Methinks the lady is hiding by ommission. As I said to Becky, above – confess ye. Don’t tell me you’re another person who has never snatched junkmail out the hands of unsuspecting, terrified mailmen? Oh, you folk haven’t lived….
Is No. 12 related to No. 21?
You filthy-minded wretch.
But yes, it’s true. I’m guilty of that very thing. An exhausting way to spend an evening alone at home. I mean, there you are, glass of wine, lights are low, you start moving file tables around, you think you know what you’re doing, and suddenly your blog is broken and you feel ashamed at your meddlesome behaviour.
Which is what you meant, yes?
(I’m giving your social credibility a lifeline here. I advise taking it. For both our sakes).
I’m on my second go-round, Mike.
Then I hope you’ve done everything twice. Or else that’s cheating.
The good news is that you get to be a double-triumph as a human being.
Score: 33
Sadly #47 happens too often even when I do it carefully with a pair of scissors; I have a small pile of clothes in the closet I’ve been meaning to mend for months that includes one shirt I ripped after only wearing once.
I can beat that. Once, in an idle moment, I tugged irritably at the label of an old, threadbare t-shirt I was wearing (it was scratching the back of my neck) and I tore the whole thing off, pulling a few remnants out my collar and flailing them in front of me.
I should add that I was standing on a train at the time.
This is why no 47 makes me twitch.
“You’re publishing a list?” she asks incredulously.
How dare you!
No, this is merely an alphanumerically-oriented escalating progression of discrete points.
So, like, not a list.
1. Turn round and look at something you’ve just tripped over in the street – then realise you’re spending slightly too much time doing this to look entirely normal, and move onwards.
hahahha I feel like I have already done everything here. am I ready to die now?!?! hah
I hope not! It’s not intended as a “50 Amazingly Achievable Things To Do Before You Die And Then You Die” list.
Or even “50 Things to Read About Doing And Then You Die”, which is a lot worse, frankly.
(Dear concept-hunting creators of Hollywood The Ring style horror movies, I just copyrighted that idea. I’ve taken a screenshot of it, and I’ve got a friend to take a photo of me taking that screenshot. You steal my idea, I take you to the frickin’ cleaners. ‘Kay?)
Anyway, no death intended. It’s not a death list of any kind. Rest easy.
This is utterly charming and sorely needed when I have to-do lists a mile long, thanks much!
You’re too kind. Charmed right back, I am.
Too funny.
My score, I stopped counting I’ve done so many, especially the recheck of email just in case
I’ve shared on FB as this is to good not to share.
Thank’ll be explaining the billions of visits from Facebook, then.
My thanks.
These are fun, Mike. I actually haven’t done #28, but instead have used a receipt, a tag pulled off a new item of clothing, another book, dogears, a pencil, junk mail, and a short USB cord to help me out when I’m lacking a bookmark.
Ah…I love feeling successful.
I once used a kipper as a bookmark.
Don’t worry, it was still 100% shrinkwrapped. And also very small. Even so, I’m weird, yes.
Dog ears? Did the dog mind? Not terribly portable, I suspect (*GOOD boy, I’m just going to turn the page, lift your head”). But yes, junk mail. Tip: chop up some, arrange in a wild scatter and laminate at A4 size, then cut into columns. Looks fantastic and very post-modern.
I’ve never done #20 EXACTLY, but I HAVE run towards the offending junk snail-mailer waving my hands (left one was holding a vacuum cleaner extension part) and speaking in very excited pseudo-French. I’m not sure exactly how this was communicated, but I could hear him whispering in Malay to his comrade that there was a feral racoon in my mailbox. God bless the French.
If that doesn’t count as #20, I scored a 42 otherwise
Have yet to bit a tomato, catch an egg, or order something halfoholic.
Although, I have to say, #2, #6, #16, and ESPECIALLY #32 are things in my daily routine that make life worth living. Have I mentioned #32? *makes completely unnecessary drive to gas station*
If I ever write #51 to #100, I promise you that attacking junk mailers with a vacuum cleaner fitting will definitely be in there somewhere. I promise.
Another one may be letting a feral racoon spring out your mailbox at a random visitor. I like that too.
No. 32 is pretty much the reason I like walking to work these days.
Ah, summer, blessed raiser of hemlines.
I should add, however, that I was enormously disappointed at the female population of York for their poor showing (as it were) during Boobquake Day yesterday (http://www.blaghag.com/2010/04/and-boobquake-results-are-in.html). Science is important! Even exploitative science!
I’d like to humbly submit another item for consideration along the lines of #37: “Approach a building with an automatic sliding door. Be unable to make the door open. Pretend to reconsider your decision and walk away.” I have done and seen this multiple times.
Hah! Submitted and filed under Pending Round 2.
(It’s starting to look like I’ll have to round it up to 100 one of these days).
I have one to add too – “Get stuck in a revolving door” – I’ve done that so many times it’s scary.
Oh, and I got 41 of them. I feel like my life is complete now.
Unnecessary rotations of revolving door wearing increasingly embarassed rictus of an expression. Check.
Also, feeling the panic well up as you prepare yourself to leap into a revolving door cubicle and realise it’s going faster than you thought or (terrifyingly) it’s just speeded up.
pretty much all of them. slight issue with the ‘part your hair’ item though……
you should have added
51. buy a game on Mike’s recommendation and get increasingly frustrated by it.
or perhaps
52. go, innocently, to see Mike and sell him something.
51. Trine is making me cross now………
and
i think everyone could manage 52, without too much trouble. ‘like taking candy from a baby!
I make no apologies (belatedly, I make no apologies, as this comment was months ago) for any time wasted in your life because of something I suggested.
Trine 2 is out soon. Just sayin’.
haha 41 of them i have done (:
You didn’t say which you haven’t done – which is always the interesting bit…
Now this is a list I can get into. I think I’ve done most if not all of them. I did #38 wear odd socks just the other day. Usually it really bothers me, but now that I know I can cross this off my list of things to do before I die, I feel better about it.
I love it!!
[...] 50 Amazingly Achievable Things To Do Before You Die [Fevered Mutterings] Tagged:augoalsmotivationto-do [...]
47 out of 50, though it could be 48, I’m not sure I’ve ever used a leaf as a book mark.. I just can’t do the odd sock thing, my son does it on purpose just to annoy me
[...] add a few ordinary things to that list. You’ll find an excellent start at the very funny post 50 Amazingly Achievable Things To Do Before You Die by Mike at Fevered [...]
This list is funny, but, they are not ‘life experiences’ which you will remember. I’m 20 and have a big bucket list, which I have started ticking off already and have loved every minute.
I understand many people are tied down in jobs and have young families. You cannot gain the satisfaction/rewards from any of the above which you would achieve from volunteering in a third world country for 1 month +.
The Expensive/time consuming bucket lists are achievable and much more worthwhile.. by this I mean you can look back when your a pensioner and have no regrets of how you lived your life or think “I wish I did that!”…
You only get one chance… live it to the fullest. Your not here for a long time, your here for a good time!
wow, exactly 50
It sound like a very boring list to do before you die.
Here is my list.
Skate the best spot around the world
Enjoy the most stuning beach around the world
Photograph the most beautiful scenary around the world
Enjoy lifa as much as possible!